After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
