I wish I could punch you in the face.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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