If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
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I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
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My day in three words: secret purse cake
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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