so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
not ubering you a puppy
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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