I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
