There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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