i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
