We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
