He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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