i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
