You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
