I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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