is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
