You work out of a Hotel?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
