i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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