i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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