Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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