thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
