After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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