How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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