I'm eating all of the evidence.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
