i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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