I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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