my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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