Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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