porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
