you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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