No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
