It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
