How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
