Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
