I need help removing her.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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