"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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