Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
