My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
