shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
