I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
