woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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