I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
