I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
