just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
