It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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