If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
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