I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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