I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
