i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
