I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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