i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
