I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
