The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
