you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
