Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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