You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
