So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
