there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize