If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
