Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
