This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im holly from the hills drunk
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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