The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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