It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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