i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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