I'm really into asian looking animals
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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